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Thread: Dark Grey Instead of Black?

  1. #1
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    Dark Grey Instead of Black?

    I'm in a friend's wedding party this fall and trying to figure out what suit to wear in advance so I can shop around and get a good deal. He is not dictating where we buy our suits, he just wants everyone to wear a black suit. I understand that black suits are a no no, but I will not bring this point up with my friend. This is his wedding, so he gets to do what he wants without a lecture on menswear. I'm wondering if I can get away with a dark or charcoal grey instead of black. I don't own a dark grey suit and would like to use this as an excuse to get a charcoal suit if possible. If not, I'll probably just rent a black suit from black tie or where ever because I don't think I need a black suit.

    Looking at the Spier and SuitSupply dark grey/charcoal suits online, they look pretty dark. Dark enough so I don't stand out? I'm not sure. Anyone have any in-person experience with these? Other thoughts?

    SuitSupply: https://us.suitsupply.com/en_US/suit...=grey&pdp=true

    Spier: https://www.spierandmackay.com/charcoal-gray-39591.html

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    My 2 cents if the groom (likely the bride) says black do black. Donít skirt the rules for yourself.

    There is a noticeable difference Iíd say in most brands from black to dark gray/charcoal.

    I have one black suit. Sadly itís just for funerals and other similar occasions. But it doesnít hurt to have one.

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    If you're a close enough friend to be in his wedding party, then surely you're a close enough friend to tell him that a black suit is faux paux. Just tell him that he doesn't want to look back on his wedding day and see he and his groomsmen cosplaying as Men in Black characters. It sounds like he's trying to articulate black tie but without the sartorial knowledge to properly execute it, which brings me back to my earlier point: if you're close enough to be in his wedding party, you should be close enough to advise that he choose either black tie or a charcoal suit. The middle ground (i.e., the black suit) is going to look tacky. Heck, as someone with more knowledge on menswear, your feedback will probably be taken as a welcome favor.

    You can also note that the charcoal suit will be more versatile. In a similar situation, I had to purchase a charcoal suit for my buddy's wedding and the suit ended up in my regular work rotation. Contrarily, a black suit would have collected dust.

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    Quote Originally Posted by hockeysc23 View Post
    My 2 cents if the groom (likely the bride) says black do black. Don’t skirt the rules for yourself.

    There is a noticeable difference I’d say in most brands from black to dark gray/charcoal.
    You're correct about the noticeable difference between black and charcoal, however, if the bride and groom are fashionably inept enough to mandate a black suit, they're probably too inept to notice the difference between black and charcoal. Besides, the color differences between black suits also vary widely, particularly depending on the material (i.e., worsted wool, polyester, blends, etc..). Furthermore, again proving the couple's lack of sartorial knowledge, since they are not mandating where to purchase the suit, they're also allowing a dramatic difference in suit styles, (i.e., two button vs. three button; notch vs. peak lapels). This couple's poor guidance is inviting a sartorial catastrophe that they don't even realize they're walking into, which is why the appropriate approach is for the OP to offer feedback bringing uniformity to the wedding party. I'm certain that they will welcome his feedback if he explained the disaster that they're entering into with the poor guidance - especially if he's able to offer a specific alternative, i.e. charcoal, two-button notch lapel wool suits from SS or SM. He will have saved them from a wedding party disaster.

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    @garryowen47, black suits are not faux pas, they're just not as useful as other colors in most circumstances.

    OP, don't be that guy--it's not your wedding, so don't change the dress code. The rental idea is a good one. Or you can just buy a cheap suit for the occasion.

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    Quote Originally Posted by garryowen47 View Post
    You're correct about the noticeable difference between black and charcoal, however, if the bride and groom are fashionably inept enough to mandate a black suit, they're probably too inept to notice the difference between black and charcoal. Besides, the color differences between black suits also vary widely, particularly depending on the material (i.e., worsted wool, polyester, blends, etc..). Furthermore, again proving the couple's lack of sartorial knowledge, since they are not mandating where to purchase the suit, they're also allowing a dramatic difference in suit styles, (i.e., two button vs. three button; notch vs. peak lapels). This couple's poor guidance is inviting a sartorial catastrophe that they don't even realize they're walking into, which is why the appropriate approach is for the OP to offer feedback bringing uniformity to the wedding party. I'm certain that they will welcome his feedback if he explained the disaster that they're entering into with the poor guidance - especially if he's able to offer a specific alternative, i.e. charcoal, two-button notch lapel wool suits from SS or SM. He will have saved them from a wedding party disaster.
    Itís not a disaster itís just not what weíd prefer. Maybe the bride or groom has a reason for black. I donít know but brides and grooms can get overwhelmed during weddings with helpful and unhelpful advice.

    My buddy asked my advice since he knows I dress to a dappered standard and at the end of the day he went rentals cuz thatís what the bride wanted.

    In my opinion while I wouldnít like it, it is not my wedding. Iím following directions. If asked I provide input.

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    Quote Originally Posted by hockeysc23 View Post
    It’s not a disaster it’s just not what we’d prefer. Maybe the bride or groom has a reason for black. I don’t know but brides and grooms can get overwhelmed during weddings with helpful and unhelpful advice.

    My buddy asked my advice since he knows I dress to a dappered standard and at the end of the day he went rentals cuz that’s what the bride wanted.

    In my opinion while I wouldn’t like it, it is not my wedding. I’m following directions. If asked I provide input.
    It would be a disaster because assuming the bride and groom want uniformity for the wedding party, the guidance they have offered provides no uniformity beyond "black suit." Therefore, absent additional guidance or helpful feedback from a knowledgeable source, they will not receive the uniformity we presume they seek, thus, culminating in a disaster.

    It seems like we're in agreement on principle but differ on whether to offer feedback. I don't see the problem with offering a friend helpful feedback. In fact, I'd go so far to say that not offering feedback is irresponsible. If he's a close enough friend to be in his wedding party, then you're a close enough friend to offer feedback. If he rejects your feedback, then fine, go with the black suit. But there is no harm in offering helpful feedback, especially if you have an area of relative expertise.
    Last edited by garryowen47; February 11th, 2020 at 04:43 PM.

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    If the uniformity they want is "in a black suit" then just saying "black suit" is fine.

    If you're not sure, ask but don't tell, to get more info on what they want out of the black suit and why, but if they said black suit, charcoal will not cut it.

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    If I asked my groomsmen to wear black (I wouldn't but let's just say I did) and you wore charcoal, I'd be pretty pissed off at you. And even if I didn't notice (I would but let's just say I didn't) my bride would, which wouldn't be good for either of us. It's their wedding. It's their wedding photo album. They get to set the rules.

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    Quote Originally Posted by garryowen47 View Post
    It would be a disaster because assuming the bride and groom want uniformity for the wedding party, the guidance they have offered provides no uniformity beyond "black suit." Therefore, absent additional guidance or helpful feedback from a knowledgeable source, they will not receive the uniformity we presume they seek, thus, culminating in a disaster.

    It seems like we're in agreement on principle but differ on whether to offer feedback. I don't see the problem with offering a friend helpful feedback. In fact, I'd go so far to say that not offering feedback is irresponsible. If he's a close enough friend to be in his wedding party, then you're a close enough friend to offer feedback. If he rejects your feedback, then fine, go with the black suit. But there is no harm in offering helpful feedback, especially if you have an area of relative expertise.
    I assume we will just disagree but what they asked for was color uniformity and gave flexibility in style. I did something similar for my wedding.

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