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Thread: A woman's style

  1. #21
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    @JBarwick - that's an amazing story and perspective. @mark4 - You're so right about how little style is compared to the virtues we as a society should value and work hard at.

    I think for me, it will be new to me to softly offer style suggestions. It's not that she thinks she stylish when she isn't, it just seems she's not overly concerned with being fashion forward. She certainly picks comfort/ease over what may be considered fashionable. Frankly speaking, I'm also not in the best position financially to buy her a bunch of stuff (not saying you guys said I should) but perhaps maybe a modest gift card to somewhere with clothing I think would work for her wouldn't hurt.

    For example, if anyone watches "Friends from College" on Netflix, there is a character named Sam. She dresses very well in the show, and I'd love a woman I was with to dress like that. I get it's a tv show, but that's a quick example I could think of. I mentioned said example to my SO while we were watching the show together. She agreed, but that was it. Perhaps more of these subtle comments.

    She also mentioned to me that she has a gala coming up at the end of the year, and that she's never been to a black tie event. She doesn't own a cocktail dress yet. I honestly don't think she owns heels. Meanwhile in my head I'm thinking of the few galas I attend each year, and how I've purchased a tuxedo simply because it makes sense on so many levels.

    Why do I mention this? Because I think it's naive of me to think everyone owns all sorts of clothing for every occasion. Her jobs haven't required her to dress up for work at all, while I've had fairly corporate jobs my entire career, dressing business casual/professional frequently. I then explained that I've always been someone who understands the importance of putting your best foot forward, looking presentable, and caring about fashion. While I wouldn't say I'm unhealthily obsessed, I certainly do find it as a passion/hobby which is rather ingrained in my everyday life. As @JBarwick alluded to, I'm certainly treated differently/better when I'm well dressed; I suppose not everyone realizes that. Again, shortsightedness on my part, and I dare not say everyone should adopt my philosophy about dressing well.

  2. #22
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    @blan2819 - I just looked up Sam from that show in imdb. I doubt you are going to push your girlfriend into that arena if her work does not require it. My wife is fashionable and doesn't dress like that regularly but maybe once a month. This is going to take baby steps and money so just be aware of this...

  3. #23
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    My wife is not into fashion or what's trendy, plus she hates having to get dressed up. We went to a wedding a couple of years ago, and though it was a fairly casual summer event, she was literally the only woman there not wearing a dress or skirt. It sparked a conversation that we are sort of still having. She has been able to find the right niche as far as dressing for her job, but there are definitely times (situations, really) when I wish she was willing to put a little more effort into it. She does like jewelry and purses, and has good taste in those. We joke about role reversal—I'm the one who cares so much more about clothing, shoes, etc. And next week is the 25th anniversary of our first date, so there are things that are more important than how a person dresses.

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    Super Moderator hornsup84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blan2819 View Post
    She also mentioned to me that she has a gala coming up at the end of the year, and that she's never been to a black tie event. She doesn't own a cocktail dress yet. I honestly don't think she owns heels. Meanwhile in my head I'm thinking of the few galas I attend each year, and how I've purchased a tuxedo simply because it makes sense on so many levels.
    Just wanted to note that a formal/black tie gala attire doesn't necessarily equate to a cocktail dress for women. Depending on whether it's BT optional and/or how others will be dressed, it could be more of a long dress scenario. My SO oftentimes uses rent the runway for these, but also does own 1-2 that she works in. RTR is nice since it's fairly reasonable to rent a dress that you'd otherwise not get a bunch of use out of--plus unlike tuxes for guys, it's harder for many women to wrap their heads around rewearing gowns like that, especially if you're attending multiple events in the same dress code realm with the same/overlapping groups of people.

  5. #25
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    My wife is not in to fashion at all. And I must confess that this is bone of contention between the two of us. I was (key word here) frequently asking her (she would say telling her) to dress more stylish. This lead us to many an argument. You'd think I'd learn...

    After bashing my head against the wall for a long while, I have started to keep my comment to myself. As my wife said to me "you do you".

    Now, when I see my wife wearing clothes that I don't feel are stylish, I keep my trap shut.

    Mind you it does get under her skin when we're out together and strangers approach me and comment on my style/look, which I would have thought would inspire her to dress better. But that's a topic for another day.

  6. #26
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    Yeah you can do a little shopping together. Maybe make suggestions like "I think you'd really look good in something like this" if you're browsing on line or in a catalog and come across something you like. It could be lack of knowledge. As men we tend to think all women think fashion all day long but for some they never really had a fashion mentor and may look at other put together women and want to look that put together but have no idea how to crack the secret.
    “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” – Mark Twain

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    Style is not just about the clothes one wears but how one carries them. So you have to be careful about suggesting something to her that she may not be comfortable in, and chances are if someone isnt comfy, they arent gonna be able to pull the look off.

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    There is a zero percent chance you can somehow convince a woman who does not care about being stylish/well-put-together/fashionable to suddenly start looking like Audrey Hepburn. Think back to what got you started on your path, it has to be intrinsic.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by IamWallace View Post
    Style is not just about the clothes one wears but how one carries them. So you have to be careful about suggesting something to her that she may not be comfortable in, and chances are if someone isnt comfy, they arent gonna be able to pull the look off.
    Truer words. And this applies to men as equally as women. I know I've bought clothes that I felt would make make stylish, etc. But the clothes weren't me. And when I did wear them I wan't comfortable at all. So even if I might have been able to pull off the look, because I wasn't relaxed/me, I could never pull the look off.

    @mark4 has come good words of advice too. I'm doing this with my wife too. Going shopping together. We don't always agree on everything, but it does help.

  10. #30
    Varsity Member Alex.C's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JBarwick View Post
    @blan2819 - I just looked up Sam from that show in imdb. I doubt you are going to push your girlfriend into that arena if her work does not require it. My wife is fashionable and doesn't dress like that regularly but maybe once a month. This is going to take baby steps and money so just be aware of this...
    Agreed, that is a very Manhattan socialite (he says living in Ohio)/professional woman look that would be pretty far from what you've described. And likely (quite) expensive to replicate. My wife is a director of marketing for her family's business and she only dresses like that when she's going to attend a marketing event with potential clients (lawyers.)

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