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    What to do?



    My girfriend constantly chides me for being overdressed. I dont think an untucked plaid shirt and cotton tie is outrageous for a dinner out. How do I handle this delicately?


    #2


    temerson80, as you age women will come and go. Remain confident in yourself and your style.

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      #3


      Criticism of another's dress reflects self-consciousness about one's own. Ignore. However, if you are wearing a tie, tuck in the shirt.


      I had a lady like that once. I just told her that I was interested in style and liked to dress myself well. I refused to go out in pajamas, even to grab creamer for her damn coffee at like 8am on a Sunday. She would bring it up from time to time but I think most women appreciate it when you put the effort in.


      As bruschetta says, they have a way of coming and going. Don't be a dick, but just remind her that you like your style and presenting yourself well.

      "You don't need money to dress better than you do" - Salvatore Romano

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        #4


        Oh damn, @bruschetta, I was supposed to disagree with you this time...

        "You don't need money to dress better than you do" - Salvatore Romano

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          #5


          Sounds like reasonable attire in what you referenced, but I would also make sure that you aren't really overdoing it either. If you're running out for creamer at 8am on a Sunday, you probably don't need a 3-piece suit; some decent pants or shorts and a buttondown or polo (or solid tshirt, honestly) can look good with some not-flip flops.


          Outside of that, I would just ignore / do what you want.

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            #6


            Time to stage a dramatic breakup.

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              #7


              Tuck in the shirt and get a new girlfriend.

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                #8


                I agree with what most have said. Your style is what defines you. It what makes you, "YOU" and unique. If she doesn't like that, there's bigger problems than wearing a tie to dinner!

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                  #9


                  +1 to what Greg said, an untucked shirt with a tie is outrageous, but not in the way that she meant. Tuck that in!


                  It's unrealistic to be told that girls come and go, most guys wouldn't date a girl if they knew that it was only temporary (or at least if they did date a girl like that they wouldn't give a damn if she didn't like how they dress). There are certain garments that scream "formal!!!!" even if they are casual versions of that item: knit ties are an example. We here know that knit ties are a more casual item, but the general populace only sees a tie and associates it with formality.


                  The key, in my mind, to casual style is to know what items to go "formal" on. While you should always adhere to your personal style and not let anyone dissuade you, if you're looking a decent middle ground with her, consider ditching the tie and upgrading yourself in other areas: shoes are a perfect example. High quality shoes, like a pair of well polished Strands, look fantastic and are not associated with formality, and hence are not stigmatized. Ties of any sort are.


                  If you want to just stay how you are and convince her to understand, I think she will eventually come to understand that's just how you are. Or, you could try phrasing it to her that you dress for you and not for others. Maybe start making snarky remarks about how she is underdressed? Turnabout, after all, is fair play.

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                    #10


                    What Juan said.

                    "Waste no time arguing what a good man should be. Be one." – Marcus Aurelius

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                      #11


                      What does she wear when she makes those comments?

                      If you are all dressed up and she is wearing PJs, I bet it makes you two look pretty ridiculous. Maybe that's why she is making those comments.

                      If that's the case, my suggestion for you two would be to find a compromise.

                      Whether it's for you to dress down a little or for her to dress up (or maybe both), it's up to you. If you really like her, and she likes you, there is always a solution.

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                        #12


                        I think something to remember here is the key to being well dressed is to know your surroundings and the situation you are in. It is possible to be well dressed at every level of formality and I feel a lot of people use dressing more formal as a crutch to help them be well dressed. Being dressed up doesn't make you well dressed.


                        Being overdressed in many situations just makes you stand out more and causes people to look at you funny compared to a situation where you have matched the level of formality of everyone else in the group but you just look the best.


                        So in terms of how that relates to this predicament is to make sure you match your date's level of formality. By wearing a tie people consider you dressed up. So if she is also not dressed up it looks funny and makes her feel insecure. It is never a smart idea to steal attention away from your date. Her issue with your style has more to do with how it makes her feel rather than you wanting to look your best.


                        Now if her idea of dressed up is sweatpants you guys just might not be a good match.

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                          #13


                          AJ said what I wanted to say but even better

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                            #14


                            I think everybody here needs to read what AJ said. It's pretty much perfect. I feel like dressing well is a lot about just dressing in a way that helps you feel more confident (it shouldn't be all that contributes to it though!) and compliments the situation you're in. It's taken me a really long time to understand what AJ wrote right there (wish somebody had said that to me two years ago)!

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