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Dark Grey Instead of Black?

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  • mebejoseph
    replied
    Originally posted by Hemsprong View Post
    Did I miss something? Why are black suits a "no no"?
    Funny, I'm not a fan of black suits, but I had a black double breasted blazer with big silver buttons that was my favorite for years. Also, I have a black cashmere blazer I love right now.

    I would wear it would charcoal striped trousers. Once I wore it with a red tie, black shirt, and black and white spectator shoes to a performance of Tony and Tina's Wedding (an interactive play) in Vegas. The other people at our table thought I was one of the actors.

    But yeah--black suits--they are okay, but--

    What [MENTION=17913]klindsey[/MENTION] said here is why I'm not a fan.

    Black suits are generally less versatile than dark grey . . . They tend to look severe during the day . . .
    Also, if you go with a white shirt and dark tie, people make jokes about your Halloween costume--"Hey, it's Men In Black."
    Last edited by mebejoseph; February 12, 2020, 11:01 AM.

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  • ianr
    replied
    I would suggest buying a cheap black suit and having it tailored. An inexpensive tailored suit will be more comfortable than a rental and may not even cost that much more, especially if you can find the correct length sleeves off the rack.

    If there is any doubt, I would ask the groom if any of the other groomsmen are wearing a tuxedo. In that case, buy a black tuxedo as that may come in useful later.

    If it has to be a standard informal suit, at least you can have this suit again for a funeral, memorial, or another wedding.

    I wouldn't try to get away with anything. As noted above, this choice is probably for photography. It is totally debatable if uniformity is good for photography. It is also debatable if focusing on capturing life events in photos detracts from experiencing the moment. Humans have limited memories and it may be disappointing later to have the most vivid memories being the stress of posing for staged photographs during what was supposed to be a life-changing milestone experience enjoyed among close friends and family. But, please save those debate topics for your own life events and wear whatever you are asked to for this one.

    Leave a comment:


  • klindsey
    replied
    Thanks all, this is a helpful conversation.

    I should be clear, I truly don't mind wearing a black suit, especially at the request of a friend. I was just thinking this might be an excuse to get a decent charcoal suit that I don't have any pressing need for independent of this wedding. I may try mebejoseph's line. I like that approach because it's not suggesting that I don't want to wear what was requested and it puts the decision in the groom's court, where it should be. On the other hand, I think many of the folks who posted above are right - I just need to wear a black suit. Plus, if I don't need a charcoal suit on its own, maybe I don't need a charcoal suit at all.

    Another quick point. The groom (not the bride) chose black on purpose. Not everyone adheres to classic menswear (or Dappered) style, and that is fine and normal and the way it should be. Everyone can and should have a unique sense of style, and the groom does.

    Hemsprong: Black suits are generally less versatile than dark grey and suited (pun intended) mostly just for eveningwear, though they are not appropriate for black tie. They tend to look severe during the day, and can make you look like a priest or a waiter. That's the argument, anyway, take it for what its worth.

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  • abh159
    replied
    To answer the original question... if they say you have to wear black then you have to wear black. No excuses.

    However, it might be worth mentioning to the groom to be that you’re just going to rent one because you don’t see yourself ever wearing a black suit again and don’t want to spend the money to buy one.

    Hopefully he takes the hint, but if not just suck it up and rent a black suit. A few hours in one won’t kill you.

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  • Hemsprong
    replied
    Did I miss something? Why are black suits a "no no"?

    Leave a comment:


  • mebejoseph
    replied
    Try this lie:

    "Hey, here's a photo of the darkest gray suit I own. I know it's not quite black--but does it work for your wedding? If not, let me know and I'll get something I can afford from Macy's or Penny's. Looking forward to celebrating your big day!."

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  • tayloreuph
    replied
    I less you want all their pictures of the bridal party to be in black and white, suck it up and get the black suit. If she’s chosen some pastel color for the bridal dresses and your charcoal color screws it up, you will never see these people again. She’ll cut you out for screwing up their pictures. Or, possibly, she’ll just have you cut out of the pictures.
    I went to a wedding where the groom and grooms men all wore suspenders and belts, no coat. I pointed this out to a groomsman I was particularly close with, and he said, “Dude, it was her call.” ‘Nuff said. It’s truly the brides day. If she wants black, then you go black. At your wedding, let this groom wear his black suit while the rest of your party wears whatever, and he may see the errors of his (her) ways, but otherwise do what she asks.

    Also, my wife wanted me to wear black to our wedding. Guess what I wore???


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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  • Tacitus
    replied
    If they're close enough friends that you're in their wedding, you should just suck it up and go along with the requested dress code. There are more important things in life than being dapper 100% of the time (am I allowed to say that on here?).

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  • JohnR
    replied
    Originally posted by garryowen47 View Post
    My main point is that there’s no harm in asking. If they have a thought out reason for going with black suits, then go with the black suit. But if they’re open to an alternative approach that still meets their desires then you can tactfully offer feedback.

    Also, remember: it’s OP’s money they’re asking him to spend. If they’re paying for the suit then you have no say. But if you’re required to purchase the suit then OP has even more ground to offer thoughtful advice.

    Once again, they’re your friends! You’re all adults, you can have a civil conversation.
    I would caution that there can, in fact, be harm in asking. There's a reasonable potential for them to be insulted by the implication that they aren't making the best choices about their own wedding. For me, the risk to the friendship wouldn't be worth it.

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  • garryowen47
    replied
    Originally posted by hockeysc23 View Post
    I assume we will just disagree but what they asked for was color uniformity and gave flexibility in style. I did something similar for my wedding.
    My main point is that there’s no harm in asking. If they have a thought out reason for going with black suits, then go with the black suit. But if they’re open to an alternative approach that still meets their desires then you can tactfully offer feedback.

    Also, remember: it’s OP’s money they’re asking him to spend. If they’re paying for the suit then you have no say. But if you’re required to purchase the suit then OP has even more ground to offer thoughtful advice.

    Once again, they’re your friends! You’re all adults, you can have a civil conversation.

    Leave a comment:


  • hockeysc23
    replied
    Originally posted by garryowen47 View Post
    It would be a disaster because assuming the bride and groom want uniformity for the wedding party, the guidance they have offered provides no uniformity beyond "black suit." Therefore, absent additional guidance or helpful feedback from a knowledgeable source, they will not receive the uniformity we presume they seek, thus, culminating in a disaster.

    It seems like we're in agreement on principle but differ on whether to offer feedback. I don't see the problem with offering a friend helpful feedback. In fact, I'd go so far to say that not offering feedback is irresponsible. If he's a close enough friend to be in his wedding party, then you're a close enough friend to offer feedback. If he rejects your feedback, then fine, go with the black suit. But there is no harm in offering helpful feedback, especially if you have an area of relative expertise.
    I assume we will just disagree but what they asked for was color uniformity and gave flexibility in style. I did something similar for my wedding.

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  • JohnR
    replied
    If I asked my groomsmen to wear black (I wouldn't but let's just say I did) and you wore charcoal, I'd be pretty pissed off at you. And even if I didn't notice (I would but let's just say I didn't) my bride would, which wouldn't be good for either of us. It's their wedding. It's their wedding photo album. They get to set the rules.

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  • Domino
    replied
    If the uniformity they want is "in a black suit" then just saying "black suit" is fine.

    If you're not sure, ask but don't tell, to get more info on what they want out of the black suit and why, but if they said black suit, charcoal will not cut it.

    Leave a comment:


  • garryowen47
    replied
    Originally posted by hockeysc23 View Post
    It’s not a disaster it’s just not what we’d prefer. Maybe the bride or groom has a reason for black. I don’t know but brides and grooms can get overwhelmed during weddings with helpful and unhelpful advice.

    My buddy asked my advice since he knows I dress to a dappered standard and at the end of the day he went rentals cuz that’s what the bride wanted.

    In my opinion while I wouldn’t like it, it is not my wedding. I’m following directions. If asked I provide input.
    It would be a disaster because assuming the bride and groom want uniformity for the wedding party, the guidance they have offered provides no uniformity beyond "black suit." Therefore, absent additional guidance or helpful feedback from a knowledgeable source, they will not receive the uniformity we presume they seek, thus, culminating in a disaster.

    It seems like we're in agreement on principle but differ on whether to offer feedback. I don't see the problem with offering a friend helpful feedback. In fact, I'd go so far to say that not offering feedback is irresponsible. If he's a close enough friend to be in his wedding party, then you're a close enough friend to offer feedback. If he rejects your feedback, then fine, go with the black suit. But there is no harm in offering helpful feedback, especially if you have an area of relative expertise.
    Last edited by garryowen47; February 11, 2020, 04:43 PM.

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  • hockeysc23
    replied
    Originally posted by garryowen47 View Post
    You're correct about the noticeable difference between black and charcoal, however, if the bride and groom are fashionably inept enough to mandate a black suit, they're probably too inept to notice the difference between black and charcoal. Besides, the color differences between black suits also vary widely, particularly depending on the material (i.e., worsted wool, polyester, blends, etc..). Furthermore, again proving the couple's lack of sartorial knowledge, since they are not mandating where to purchase the suit, they're also allowing a dramatic difference in suit styles, (i.e., two button vs. three button; notch vs. peak lapels). This couple's poor guidance is inviting a sartorial catastrophe that they don't even realize they're walking into, which is why the appropriate approach is for the OP to offer feedback bringing uniformity to the wedding party. I'm certain that they will welcome his feedback if he explained the disaster that they're entering into with the poor guidance - especially if he's able to offer a specific alternative, i.e. charcoal, two-button notch lapel wool suits from SS or SM. He will have saved them from a wedding party disaster.
    It’s not a disaster it’s just not what we’d prefer. Maybe the bride or groom has a reason for black. I don’t know but brides and grooms can get overwhelmed during weddings with helpful and unhelpful advice.

    My buddy asked my advice since he knows I dress to a dappered standard and at the end of the day he went rentals cuz that’s what the bride wanted.

    In my opinion while I wouldn’t like it, it is not my wedding. I’m following directions. If asked I provide input.

    Leave a comment:

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