Dark Grey Instead of Black?

[klindsey]

I'm in a friend's wedding party this fall and trying to figure out what suit to wear in advance so I can shop around and get a good deal. He is not dictating where we buy our suits, he just wants everyone to wear a black suit. I understand that black suits are a no no, but I will not bring this point up with my friend. This is his wedding, so he gets to do what he wants without a lecture on menswear. I'm wondering if I can get away with a dark or charcoal grey instead of black. I don't own a dark grey suit and would like to use this as an excuse to get a charcoal suit if possible. If not, I'll probably just rent a black suit from black tie or where ever because I don't think I need a black suit.

Looking at the Spier and SuitSupply dark grey/charcoal suits online, they look pretty dark. Dark enough so I don't stand out? I'm not sure. Anyone have any in-person experience with these? Other thoughts?

SuitSupply: https://us.suitsupply.com/en_US/suit...=grey&pdp=true

Spier: https://www.spierandmackay.com/charcoal-gray-39591.html

[hockeysc23]

My 2 cents if the groom (likely the bride) says black do black. Don’t skirt the rules for yourself.

There is a noticeable difference I’d say in most brands from black to dark gray/charcoal.

I have one black suit. Sadly it’s just for funerals and other similar occasions. But it doesn’t hurt to have one.

[garryowen47]

If you're a close enough friend to be in his wedding party, then surely you're a close enough friend to tell him that a black suit is faux paux. Just tell him that he doesn't want to look back on his wedding day and see he and his groomsmen cosplaying as Men in Black characters. It sounds like he's trying to articulate black tie but without the sartorial knowledge to properly execute it, which brings me back to my earlier point: if you're close enough to be in his wedding party, you should be close enough to advise that he choose either black tie or a charcoal suit. The middle ground (i.e., the black suit) is going to look tacky. Heck, as someone with more knowledge on menswear, your feedback will probably be taken as a welcome favor.

You can also note that the charcoal suit will be more versatile. In a similar situation, I had to purchase a charcoal suit for my buddy's wedding and the suit ended up in my regular work rotation. Contrarily, a black suit would have collected dust.

[garryowen47]

My 2 cents if the groom (likely the bride) says black do black. Don’t skirt the rules for yourself.

There is a noticeable difference I’d say in most brands from black to dark gray/charcoal.

You're correct about the noticeable difference between black and charcoal, however, if the bride and groom are fashionably inept enough to mandate a black suit, they're probably too inept to notice the difference between black and charcoal. Besides, the color differences between black suits also vary widely, particularly depending on the material (i.e., worsted wool, polyester, blends, etc..). Furthermore, again proving the couple's lack of sartorial knowledge, since they are not mandating where to purchase the suit, they're also allowing a dramatic difference in suit styles, (i.e., two button vs. three button; notch vs. peak lapels). This couple's poor guidance is inviting a sartorial catastrophe that they don't even realize they're walking into, which is why the appropriate approach is for the OP to offer feedback bringing uniformity to the wedding party. I'm certain that they will welcome his feedback if he explained the disaster that they're entering into with the poor guidance - especially if he's able to offer a specific alternative, i.e. charcoal, two-button notch lapel wool suits from SS or SM. He will have saved them from a wedding party disaster.

[facelessghost]

[MENTION=21416]garryowen47[/MENTION], black suits are not faux pas, they're just not as useful as other colors in most circumstances.

OP, don't be that guy--it's not your wedding, so don't change the dress code. The rental idea is a good one. Or you can just buy a cheap suit for the occasion.

[hockeysc23]

You're correct about the noticeable difference between black and charcoal, however, if the bride and groom are fashionably inept enough to mandate a black suit, they're probably too inept to notice the difference between black and charcoal. Besides, the color differences between black suits also vary widely, particularly depending on the material (i.e., worsted wool, polyester, blends, etc..). Furthermore, again proving the couple's lack of sartorial knowledge, since they are not mandating where to purchase the suit, they're also allowing a dramatic difference in suit styles, (i.e., two button vs. three button; notch vs. peak lapels). This couple's poor guidance is inviting a sartorial catastrophe that they don't even realize they're walking into, which is why the appropriate approach is for the OP to offer feedback bringing uniformity to the wedding party. I'm certain that they will welcome his feedback if he explained the disaster that they're entering into with the poor guidance - especially if he's able to offer a specific alternative, i.e. charcoal, two-button notch lapel wool suits from SS or SM. He will have saved them from a wedding party disaster.

It’s not a disaster it’s just not what we’d prefer. Maybe the bride or groom has a reason for black. I don’t know but brides and grooms can get overwhelmed during weddings with helpful and unhelpful advice.

My buddy asked my advice since he knows I dress to a dappered standard and at the end of the day he went rentals cuz that’s what the bride wanted.

In my opinion while I wouldn’t like it, it is not my wedding. I’m following directions. If asked I provide input.

[garryowen47]

It’s not a disaster it’s just not what we’d prefer. Maybe the bride or groom has a reason for black. I don’t know but brides and grooms can get overwhelmed during weddings with helpful and unhelpful advice.

My buddy asked my advice since he knows I dress to a dappered standard and at the end of the day he went rentals cuz that’s what the bride wanted.

In my opinion while I wouldn’t like it, it is not my wedding. I’m following directions. If asked I provide input.

It would be a disaster because assuming the bride and groom want uniformity for the wedding party, the guidance they have offered provides no uniformity beyond "black suit." Therefore, absent additional guidance or helpful feedback from a knowledgeable source, they will not receive the uniformity we presume they seek, thus, culminating in a disaster.

It seems like we're in agreement on principle but differ on whether to offer feedback. I don't see the problem with offering a friend helpful feedback. In fact, I'd go so far to say that not offering feedback is irresponsible. If he's a close enough friend to be in his wedding party, then you're a close enough friend to offer feedback. If he rejects your feedback, then fine, go with the black suit. But there is no harm in offering helpful feedback, especially if you have an area of relative expertise.

[Domino]

If the uniformity they want is "in a black suit" then just saying "black suit" is fine.

If you're not sure, ask but don't tell, to get more info on what they want out of the black suit and why, but if they said black suit, charcoal will not cut it.

[JohnR]

If I asked my groomsmen to wear black (I wouldn't but let's just say I did) and you wore charcoal, I'd be pretty pissed off at you. And even if I didn't notice (I would but let's just say I didn't) my bride would, which wouldn't be good for either of us. It's their wedding. It's their wedding photo album. They get to set the rules.

[hockeysc23]

It would be a disaster because assuming the bride and groom want uniformity for the wedding party, the guidance they have offered provides no uniformity beyond "black suit." Therefore, absent additional guidance or helpful feedback from a knowledgeable source, they will not receive the uniformity we presume they seek, thus, culminating in a disaster.

It seems like we're in agreement on principle but differ on whether to offer feedback. I don't see the problem with offering a friend helpful feedback. In fact, I'd go so far to say that not offering feedback is irresponsible. If he's a close enough friend to be in his wedding party, then you're a close enough friend to offer feedback. If he rejects your feedback, then fine, go with the black suit. But there is no harm in offering helpful feedback, especially if you have an area of relative expertise.

I assume we will just disagree but what they asked for was color uniformity and gave flexibility in style. I did something similar for my wedding.

[garryowen47]

I assume we will just disagree but what they asked for was color uniformity and gave flexibility in style. I did something similar for my wedding.

My main point is that there’s no harm in asking. If they have a thought out reason for going with black suits, then go with the black suit. But if they’re open to an alternative approach that still meets their desires then you can tactfully offer feedback.

Also, remember: it’s OP’s money they’re asking him to spend. If they’re paying for the suit then you have no say. But if you’re required to purchase the suit then OP has even more ground to offer thoughtful advice.

Once again, they’re your friends! You’re all adults, you can have a civil conversation.

[JohnR]

My main point is that there’s no harm in asking. If they have a thought out reason for going with black suits, then go with the black suit. But if they’re open to an alternative approach that still meets their desires then you can tactfully offer feedback.

Also, remember: it’s OP’s money they’re asking him to spend. If they’re paying for the suit then you have no say. But if you’re required to purchase the suit then OP has even more ground to offer thoughtful advice.

Once again, they’re your friends! You’re all adults, you can have a civil conversation.

I would caution that there can, in fact, be harm in asking. There's a reasonable potential for them to be insulted by the implication that they aren't making the best choices about their own wedding. For me, the risk to the friendship wouldn't be worth it.

[Tacitus]

If they're close enough friends that you're in their wedding, you should just suck it up and go along with the requested dress code. There are more important things in life than being dapper 100% of the time (am I allowed to say that on here?).

[tayloreuph]

I less you want all their pictures of the bridal party to be in black and white, suck it up and get the black suit. If she’s chosen some pastel color for the bridal dresses and your charcoal color screws it up, you will never see these people again. She’ll cut you out for screwing up their pictures. Or, possibly, she’ll just have you cut out of the pictures.
I went to a wedding where the groom and grooms men all wore suspenders and belts, no coat. I pointed this out to a groomsman I was particularly close with, and he said, “Dude, it was her call.” ‘Nuff said. It’s truly the brides day. If she wants black, then you go black. At your wedding, let this groom wear his black suit while the rest of your party wears whatever, and he may see the errors of his (her) ways, but otherwise do what she asks.

Also, my wife wanted me to wear black to our wedding. Guess what I wore???


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[mebejoseph]

Try this lie:

"Hey, here's a photo of the darkest gray suit I own. I know it's not quite black--but does it work for your wedding? If not, let me know and I'll get something I can afford from Macy's or Penny's. Looking forward to celebrating your big day!."