A woman's style

[Ron]

I'm no expert on fashion myself so I'd never give my wife advice unless asked for. She is a jeans and t shirt kinda girl. She prefers to be very casual when she is not working. Her clothes fit well but she has no interest in fashion.
She always looks professional when she dresses for work. She dresses conservatively but probably dresses better then most of her colleagues especially the younger ones. She sounds similar to mebejoseph's wife. She has a lot of shoes but nothing expensive. She loves sales and finds a lot of more expensive items at bargain prices.

FWIW I could really care less about her sense of fashion or lack thereof. Would I like it if she dressed more stylishly? Sure.
That said, all her other great attributes are so much more important, at least to me. Of course to each their own.

And don't judge a book by its cover. She is very successfully in a male dominated occupation besides being a great wife and mother.

[3piece]

Probably the first step is to know her stance on dressing differently than mainstream. Some say it's wrong; some say "I'm not worthy;" some say "I wanna but peer pressure" or don't know how to start.

Perhaps start by asking her what she thinks about what you wear. Do that and report back!

[JBarwick]

[MENTION=15626]blan2819[/MENTION] - You know you could always buy her something fashionable and see if it sparks interest. Here is the reason I say this. My wife is very fashionable and I was not. I work Dickie's shorts and baggy shirts. Nothing really with a collar. Well she took me to a J. Crew factory and I was floored...I spent like $110 on 3-4 things that were not my style at all. Somewhere around that time I joined Dappered and things changed. I now care about what I look like and honestly it has changed not only my confidence but my work as well. If it wasn't for that I wouldn't be where I am today.

To say it another way, I have leg tattoos and people treat you differently when they meet me for the first time in shorts vs. covering up the tattoos with pants. It usually comes as a surprise when someone sees me in shorts for the first time after knowing me. Previously I said I didn't care what people thought of me but deep down I probably did. People will judge you by looking at you and it can be hard to break that mold. Putting that extra effort in shows. The other person can subtly tell "this person cares how they look." Caring about yourself can speak volumes and I know I have caught myself doing the same damned thing.

All that said, I would buy her something. Not opposite spectrum of what she may wear but tangential. For me it was a button up shirt and some chino shorts that fit well. Also present it with a story as it will attach a feeling to the item so she may like it more and will be more willing to give it a try.

Good luck man.

[mark4]

I know we're all on a style forum so we all care about style...but keep it in perspective. Style is a virtue, but it's a pretty minor virtue compared to things like honesty, integrity, a good sense of humor and just being an all around sweet, kind, reasonable person. If she's attractive and she's got all that and the chemistry is good I wouldn't make her personal style a deal breaker. You could start by buying her some clothing you'd like to see her wear. Is the issue that she thinks she's styling and you disagree or just that she doesn't really put any effort or thought into her clothes because she doesn't care that much. I used to be like that, so that aspect could change. Also if apathy or just a general lack of knowledge of what's trendy is the issue then you could buy her a couple of outfits and when she sees how she looks in them and the difference it makes maybe she starts to develop more of an interest?

[mebejoseph]

[MENTION=17354]mebejoseph[/MENTION] - I think this certainly has something to do with my insecurities. I suppose I've always had an idea of what success is supposed to look like. High paying job, wearing suits to work each day, having a significant other who is also uber successful, who dresses well, who is a social butterfly...etc. All things which don't define any of the important aspects about life and relationships.

I don't know why this bothers me so much, and I'm afraid I'm not ready to come to grips with my outlook on this, which will deem detrimental. I think I'm at a real crossroads in life, and this is one of those issues where I'm going to transform one way or the other.

Yes, I think I have that same idea of success--that's a hard one for me to shake, but I have at least learned how to not let it trip me up. And even that took me until I was close to 50 until I was ready to come to grips with most of my insecurities, so I get it. Everything in its own time.

I'm going to make one more suggestion. There's nothing wrong with taking her shopping or calling her attention to outfits that you like on other women, but I suggest that you're upfront about what you're doing. Otherwise, you're making a "secret contract." In other words, "I'm going to take you shopping to buy outfits that I like and after that, you're going to start dressing more the way I like," without telling her your expectations is unfair to both of you. You can end up resenting her if she doesn't change and that resentment will eventually express itself somehow. That rarely works out.

If I were to do that, I might wait for a particular event and then offer to take her out to buy her an outfit that you both like for that event, with the agreement ahead of time that you're only going to buy it if you both like it. I'll tell you--my wife would just tell me, "no way." So it might not work with your SO either. But at least you're not setting yourself up for failure.

[blan2819]

[MENTION=4069]JBarwick[/MENTION] - that's an amazing story and perspective. [MENTION=4392]mark4[/MENTION] - You're so right about how little style is compared to the virtues we as a society should value and work hard at.

I think for me, it will be new to me to softly offer style suggestions. It's not that she thinks she stylish when she isn't, it just seems she's not overly concerned with being fashion forward. She certainly picks comfort/ease over what may be considered fashionable. Frankly speaking, I'm also not in the best position financially to buy her a bunch of stuff (not saying you guys said I should) but perhaps maybe a modest gift card to somewhere with clothing I think would work for her wouldn't hurt.

For example, if anyone watches "Friends from College" on Netflix, there is a character named Sam. She dresses very well in the show, and I'd love a woman I was with to dress like that. I get it's a tv show, but that's a quick example I could think of. I mentioned said example to my SO while we were watching the show together. She agreed, but that was it. Perhaps more of these subtle comments.

She also mentioned to me that she has a gala coming up at the end of the year, and that she's never been to a black tie event. She doesn't own a cocktail dress yet. I honestly don't think she owns heels. Meanwhile in my head I'm thinking of the few galas I attend each year, and how I've purchased a tuxedo simply because it makes sense on so many levels.

Why do I mention this? Because I think it's naive of me to think everyone owns all sorts of clothing for every occasion. Her jobs haven't required her to dress up for work at all, while I've had fairly corporate jobs my entire career, dressing business casual/professional frequently. I then explained that I've always been someone who understands the importance of putting your best foot forward, looking presentable, and caring about fashion. While I wouldn't say I'm unhealthily obsessed, I certainly do find it as a passion/hobby which is rather ingrained in my everyday life. As [MENTION=4069]JBarwick[/MENTION] alluded to, I'm certainly treated differently/better when I'm well dressed; I suppose not everyone realizes that. Again, shortsightedness on my part, and I dare not say everyone should adopt my philosophy about dressing well.

[JBarwick]

[MENTION=15626]blan2819[/MENTION] - I just looked up Sam from that show in imdb. I doubt you are going to push your girlfriend into that arena if her work does not require it. My wife is fashionable and doesn't dress like that regularly but maybe once a month. This is going to take baby steps and money so just be aware of this...

[the passenger]

My wife is not into fashion or what's trendy, plus she hates having to get dressed up. We went to a wedding a couple of years ago, and though it was a fairly casual summer event, she was literally the only woman there not wearing a dress or skirt. It sparked a conversation that we are sort of still having. She has been able to find the right niche as far as dressing for her job, but there are definitely times (situations, really) when I wish she was willing to put a little more effort into it. She does like jewelry and purses, and has good taste in those. We joke about role reversal—I'm the one who cares so much more about clothing, shoes, etc. And next week is the 25th anniversary of our first date, so there are things that are more important than how a person dresses.

[hornsup84]

She also mentioned to me that she has a gala coming up at the end of the year, and that she's never been to a black tie event. She doesn't own a cocktail dress yet. I honestly don't think she owns heels. Meanwhile in my head I'm thinking of the few galas I attend each year, and how I've purchased a tuxedo simply because it makes sense on so many levels.

Just wanted to note that a formal/black tie gala attire doesn't necessarily equate to a cocktail dress for women. Depending on whether it's BT optional and/or how others will be dressed, it could be more of a long dress scenario. My SO oftentimes uses rent the runway for these, but also does own 1-2 that she works in. RTR is nice since it's fairly reasonable to rent a dress that you'd otherwise not get a bunch of use out of--plus unlike tuxes for guys, it's harder for many women to wrap their heads around rewearing gowns like that, especially if you're attending multiple events in the same dress code realm with the same/overlapping groups of people.

[DocDave]

My wife is not in to fashion at all. And I must confess that this is bone of contention between the two of us. I was (key word here) frequently asking her (she would say telling her) to dress more stylish. This lead us to many an argument. You'd think I'd learn...

After bashing my head against the wall for a long while, I have started to keep my comment to myself. As my wife said to me "you do you".

Now, when I see my wife wearing clothes that I don't feel are stylish, I keep my trap shut.

Mind you it does get under her skin when we're out together and strangers approach me and comment on my style/look, which I would have thought would inspire her to dress better. But that's a topic for another day.

[mark4]

Yeah you can do a little shopping together. Maybe make suggestions like "I think you'd really look good in something like this" if you're browsing on line or in a catalog and come across something you like. It could be lack of knowledge. As men we tend to think all women think fashion all day long but for some they never really had a fashion mentor and may look at other put together women and want to look that put together but have no idea how to crack the secret.

[IamWallace]

Style is not just about the clothes one wears but how one carries them. So you have to be careful about suggesting something to her that she may not be comfortable in, and chances are if someone isnt comfy, they arent gonna be able to pull the look off.

[whereismurder]

There is a zero percent chance you can somehow convince a woman who does not care about being stylish/well-put-together/fashionable to suddenly start looking like Audrey Hepburn. Think back to what got you started on your path, it has to be intrinsic.

[DocDave]

Style is not just about the clothes one wears but how one carries them. So you have to be careful about suggesting something to her that she may not be comfortable in, and chances are if someone isnt comfy, they arent gonna be able to pull the look off.

Truer words. And this applies to men as equally as women. I know I've bought clothes that I felt would make make stylish, etc. But the clothes weren't me. And when I did wear them I wan't comfortable at all. So even if I might have been able to pull off the look, because I wasn't relaxed/me, I could never pull the look off.

[MENTION=4392]mark4[/MENTION] has come good words of advice too. I'm doing this with my wife too. Going shopping together. We don't always agree on everything, but it does help.

[Alex.C]

[MENTION=15626]blan2819[/MENTION] - I just looked up Sam from that show in imdb. I doubt you are going to push your girlfriend into that arena if her work does not require it. My wife is fashionable and doesn't dress like that regularly but maybe once a month. This is going to take baby steps and money so just be aware of this...

Agreed, that is a very Manhattan socialite (he says living in Ohio)/professional woman look that would be pretty far from what you've described. And likely (quite) expensive to replicate. My wife is a director of marketing for her family's business and she only dresses like that when she's going to attend a marketing event with potential clients (lawyers.)