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This Is Discouraging

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    @Alan: your point is taken, but think about it: the driver can choose to stop his car and let the heckler go on. If the attack becomes personal, handle it that way. The same applies to dressing well. If someone continues to harp on you for your choice of clothing, you either call them out on it, or you put your tail between your legs and conform to the cargo pants wearing armies of North America.

    It's a choice. If you don't have the confidence to pull it off, and cannot assert yourself among your peers don't do it.



      Didn't post with hopes someone would dab away my tears with a Hermes hankerchief, but thanks. Was just wondering if someone dealt with the same irriations. Don't assume I don't defend myself or don't swing a dick because it fits your need to categorize people as whining bitches. Honestly don't think that somone saying "Tubbs and Crocket called, they want their suit back" is grounds to lay someone out.

      To clarify, my boss is Hitler for a laundry list of crimes against humanity, his dress sense doesn't figure much into that valuation of his character.

      Everyone's Charles Bronson on the internet. But when you meet face to face and remove the flower lapels and someone's choking down teeth and swallowing elbows, well, people suddenly become less opininated and a hell of a lot more respectful. That's how we do it in small towns, when we are not tipping cows and dating cousins.



        From that last paragraph it sounds like you are wearing tattered jeans and blue collar work shirts at heart, anyway.



          Jordan nailed it - they're putting you down because you're making an effort and standing out. It's human nature to cut down the tallest blade of grass or make excuses why it's that way. Even our heroes have to have some kind of circumstance out of their control that made them who/what they are - it's hard to face your own life when someone can do amazing things because they wanted to, and not because they were born with a defect that made them that way.

          I've dealt with it, but I'm also kind of an ass when I want to be. And I don't mean, 'make fun of your shoes' or grumble to my buddies later. I mean telling people, "you're just pissed because you know by the time I'm your age you'll be dead" kind of ass. It's a talent (?), I suppose, but when you're able to dress someone down to their most basic fears and shine the spotlight on them, they usually leave you alone. Or, they complain to HR and you have to have a 'sensitivity discussion' with the HR Manager where you mostly talk about your weekend plans for an hour.

          What they say to you is their business and their insecurities, not yours. Do you get worked up over it frequently? Or are you just under a lot of stress now, and this is an easy way to vent? Because if you keep addressing your boss as 'Hitler', it seems that you have more problems at work besides their opinion of how you dress, and your reactions to your coworkers' comments is how your stress is finding an outlet.



            Lulz at Kittiwake's internet toughness.



              @pdx_nate: Yeah, tougher than getting a good beer at a microbrewery.

              @Jordan: You're right. Clothes might make the man, but they don't change him.

              There's an easy way to resolve these differences of opinion, with Style Fight Club. Here's how it works.

              Style Fight Club: The Rules

              1)No talking about Style Fight Club. Except on Dappered threads. Or Style Forum. Or AskAndy. Feel free to discuss exhaustively at those approved sites.

              2)Under Style Fight Club rules, the following is completely acceptable: eye gouging, fish hooking, Indian Arm burns, noogies, the half Nelson, the full Nelson, The Nelson Mandela Prison Grip, blunt force use, striking with a closed hand, striking with a bowling pin concealed in your trousers, striking with gardening tools, striking with Tomahawk missiles

              3)Under Style Fight Club rules, the following acts are illegal and grounds for automatic forfeit and disqualification: 1) Any act or maneuver that would in any way endanger, rumple, crease, sully or otherwise impact the integrity of your opponent’s outfit. This includes seam ripping, yanking carefully knotted neckties askew or pulling shirt cuffs three inches below the acceptable cuff line.

              4)Only heavyweight class combatants are allowed to wear double breasted suits.

              5)Combatants shall not used hand rolled pocket squares to attend to blood, perspiration or any other fluid produced as a byproduct of combat. A silk Charles Tyrwhitt towel will be provided specifically for this purpose.

              6)In the event one of the combatant’s monkstraps is inadvertently scuffed during melee, the match will immediately cease until leather conditioner, polish and protectant can be administered by a licensed cobbler.

              7)For safety purposes, only NATO-style watchbands are allowed. Extra points are awarded to participants whose watchbands neatly complement their belt.

              8)In the event a 40% Friends and Family discount code is released while the match is in progress, the bout will immediately cease and be postponed until such time orders can be fulfilled.

              9)In the event of a draw, an impromptu style-off will be held to determine the victor. Participants are encouraged to demonstrate high leg kicks, jumping splits and prolonged pouting as part of their styling.

              10)No seersucker punches allowed.



                For those throwing all the insults and condescension:

                This place is becoming Styleforum. How original.




                  I think you have to find a balance between dressing up and fitting into your workplace.

                  I have a pair of walnut McAllisters and dark brown Strands that I wear on dates all the time, but would -never- wear them into work. Walnut + broguing = "look at me!". Well, guess what, if you wear shoes that demand attention, that's what you're going to get.

                  At work, the goal should be to dress just a little better than everyone around you, but not so much that you look like an outsider.

                  Safe ways to dress up conservatively:

                  - Blazer + chinos

                  - Awesome fit

                  - Nice shoes, but simpler ( moc-toes, quarter brogues (fifth avenues), cap toes )

                  - Textured dress shirts ( twill, herringbone, end on end )

                  Draws too much attention:

                  - Full suit

                  - Non-standard colors ( white pants, colored pants, seer sucker )

                  - Flashy shoes ( full wingtips, heavy broguing, walnut color, etc )

                  - Pocket squares

                  - Cuff links / french cuff shirts (maybe can get away with these)

                  - Extremely slim fitting anything

                  You're welcome to add anything you want from the second category above, but don't complain when you start getting odd comments.



                    I think zerostyle has the best comment so far. You have to meet in the middle with these things. Just has has things the readership deems too flashy or outrageous, so will your workplace. My comment was just that, if you are going to dress in a way that pushes the envelope, be prepared for a backlash. If you truly dngaf, great. However, if it does bother you (which I think it does), maybe you should reconsider wearing a bright summer suit in a small, blue collar town. Tbh, I'm not sure if there are many workplaces where you could get away with that suit.

                    As far as being condescending and insulting, that was not my intention. People were just offering advice, even if it was frank. If OP and others just wanted to rant, my apologies.



                      @zerostyle - nice summary.

                      It continues to amaze how the obvious doesn't sit well with some, but that was perfect.

                      For those who are still having a difficult time digesting this information, I kindly ask that you recall that scene from "Step Brothers" where the two show up for job interviews wearing tuxedos. That's YOU when you show up to your job as a telemarketer wearing LOUD walnut Strands, bright orange socks and tie, a tortoise shell tie clip, and a tailored plaid suit recently featured in one of Dappered's "Would You Wear It" posts. It doesn't have to be that extreme, but clearly you get the point. Wearing a suit to a job where everyone else wears khaki pants and a half tucked polo WILL draw attention (surprise!).

                      Another important point is that it's well within social norms to issue glancing insults towards your peers as a form of camaraderie (a scene in 'Gran Tourino' illustrates this point rather nicely).

                      My addition to the rules of Style fight club: Thou shalt be man enough to be comfortable in your own skin.



                        @zerostyle wins the battle here -- let's all put are knobs away and stop comparing length / manliness here. There is a time and place to flaunt your sartorial advancement/prowess, and work isn't always the place to take your biggest risks. It sucks when people can't let it go, but it's a typical reaction to someone going outside the norm.



                          Maybe I should clarify. I work in management of a public held asset. On any given day of the week, I might be interviewed on television or give a speech to a community group or meet with a business interest and the guy I'm meet with has a car cost more than my house. Other people in our office wear suits, though not always. When you do business with people in Europe, you fast recognize you need to dress the part or be dismissed. This is how my whole wardrobe reinvention started.

                          My issue is with the comments people make rather than my own feelings about how I look. I don't think this has anything to do with manliness, but I'm going to look at a testorene injection given the accusations of sissiness I've heard among the other productive feedback.

                          I'm not changing how I dress; I've swam too far to go back to shore now and I feel I'm dressing appropriately. I don't know how I left impression I dress like Liberace, but I am a style featherweight. Today I have on old Kenneth Cole suit seperates (ugh), a Kenneth Cole (ugh again) navy tie, a gingham Charles Tyrwhitee dress shirt, eight dollar tie clip, black park avenues and a white silk pocket square. Not exactly Bond territory. I don't have any colors borrowed from the rainbow or monkstraps or flower lapels or more adventurous garb. I wouldn't even dare a sportcoat on the weekends. My belief is is the morning Sportscenter broadcasters are wearing it, it's fair game. I don't think Strands are too what the hell. I love them more than my dog and wear them in the shower frequently so we aren't seperated. And why would they produce summer suits if they cannot be worn in an environment where suits are par for the course? Surely Tom Wolfe isn't buying enough to keep the product line going.

                          Surely there's a balance to be achieved between modest self-expression and professionalism. As for moving out of town (I love it here) or adopting the wardrobe of everyone else, that's not on. I'm only going this way once, and I'll do it with some sense of adventure, devil and comments be damned.

                          Trust me, I can take the jokes with the best of them. I just can't see myself ever commenting on someone else's clothes for any other reason than to compliment them. To me, it's just ignorant.

                          I regret posting the issue here, and if I could find a thread lock button, I would.



                            @Kitti - it sounds like your work place actually does require more formality, and your outfits aren't too out of line.

                            I know you find other's comments inappropriate, but you can't change their perceptions.

                            So, your choices are either to ease up on the flashiness and fit in, or just ignore them.

                            There is some hope though: I've noticed that over time people get used to the new style. A few guys in my office started wearing blazers and suits on a regular basis. At first, they got a lot of slack. Over the course of a few months people just got used to it and saw it as normal.

                            I'd vote to wear what you want, but don't go over the top. People will get used to it.




                              1. The opening post was a rant. This is a perfectly human thing to do - to share one's frustrations, and this is a perfect forum for the topic.


                              2. This was a request for assistance or guidance. The nature of this forum is question and answer, and it's possible that was the point.

                              - One possible solution would be to change the culture of the community in which you live. It could be done, but it would be a large and gradual undertaking.

                              - The other solution would be to change something about yourself:

                              a) Where you live.

                              b) What you wear.

                              c) How you feel about what you wear, what others say, or what you say to others.

                              I think folks all responded based on how they interpreted the purpose of the post. The OP started with some colorful descriptors, and it extended from that.



                                Not to hijack, but I'm pretty excited about style fight club.

                                Dress for style, live for results.