This Is Discouraging

[Kittiwake30]

Can't we try and dress better without people being an idiot about it?


It's been slow steps for me since I started down this road 18 months ago. A reupholstered wardrobe and $3500 later and I'm still getting crap from yokels.


"Ooh, you gotta little hanky there in your pocket for blowing your nose." (basic silk pocket square.)

"Those shoes are wild. They are hurting my brain." (The broguing in my Strands.)

"Are you going to church or what?" (No, it's Tuesday and I hate God.)


It reached an Everest's peak of annoyance yesterday when I wore the linen Perry Ellis summer suit Joe recommended (quick aside: total steal at less than $100 and the most comfortable thing I've worn, though sleeves do run a bit long.)


From the time I came to work to the time I left, three people called me Don Johnson or made some Miami Vice reference. Two feigned blindness/eye trauma that the suit was too white. To cap it all off, the boss asked while I was all dressed up. By this point my patience had run thin and I shot back that I was dressed up out of respect for myself, my position and employer. He was wearing his grocery bagger short sleeve dress shirt again.


He said: "it's work, not a fashion show."


I'm more dismissive of what the boys says/thinks as he joins Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot and Glen Beck in the graduating class of Worst Human Beings Ever.


Of course, woman are fast to furnish me with compliments, but I'm married so who cares and that doesn't ease the pain.


Honestly, I think I'm wearing overalls with my name monogrammed on them tomorrow. I'm not dressing up for anyone else, why can't they shut the f up?


Sometimes it just seems easier to fly in the same migratory direction as the geese.

[bj]

I feel you there. Whenever someone asks me, "Why are you so dressed up?" I want to respond with "Why are you so dressed down?"

[somaticmarker1]

I feel you. Right now I live in a small town in appalachia for work. In this area, for a man to take any pride in how he presents himself through dress or appearance immediately means he is gay. Just this weekend, I was running errands and wearing jeans, a button down and a cotton blazer and I heard two "Fa*g" comments.


I went to a wedding two weekends ago and wore a cotton suit with no tie, I was the only person (other than the groom and groomsmen) not wearing khakis and a polo.


I don't judge the people around me for not placing importance in how they dress. I have PhD and secondary Master's and am the chief psychologist in a Federal Prison. Only about 50% of the people in the town I live in have high school education and work as farmers. The nature of our work demands different dress codes. But I like clothes, and would like to be left alone.

[Kittiwake30]

Somatic, I'm in much the same position. I live in a very small blue collar town, less than 10,000 people. I don't expect mechanics and fishermen to be rocking suits to work. People who work in management, government or financial services might occassionally dare a suit here, but they don't place an accent on appearance. Which is fine by me. It's just clothes, after all.


On my best dressed day, I'm still the worst dressed man if I live in New York or Rome. it's not as if I'm bowing to dandyism or taking great sartorial risks by wearing a well-fitted suit, decent shoes and a conservative tie.


And yes, I don't like how the whole idea of dressing well has to fly a dangerous co-pilot to being gay. This might sound homophobic, but in a town with blue collar values where driving a truck is a status symbol, you become an easy target. These are the guys I drink beer and golf with, too. Beyond that, the gay guys I know (most of whom no longer live here - surprise) dress way better than I ever could.


All that aside, the ladies love it and appreciate the effort but that's not the motivation here. This began as a career development thing (we do business internationally and a lot in Europe, and those guys bring their style A-game to meetings.)


It is very dissapointing to me. I feel a strong urge to go back to a pre-Dappered self, to be honest, but I gutted my old clothes.

[frost]

you should all work on your self confidence and stop worrying so much about what other people think and say.

[jordan]

They try to bring you down because they know you are making them look bad.


Ironically, their put downs could be taken as compliments.

[Rodney Dean]

"Why am I dressed up? Cause I'm a grown-ass man!"


See how that works.

[jicarv]

I agree with @frost about the self confidence thing. I don't give a damn what anyone thinks or says, I dress nice because it makes me feel good. I live in a suburb of NYC, so I don't have any issues with the people around me like you guys. However, my buddies from my high school days are always making comments to me but I give it right back to them and they back-off quickly.

[somaticmarker1]

@frost "you should all work on your self confidence and stop worrying so much about what other people think and say"


Really, You going to make an underhanded statement like that?


Not a single person has made any comment that can be even remotely be considered as lacking self-confidence. The point is that it is annoying to be constantly mocked/attacked for dressing well. And yes, it is attacked. This is not your buddies or co-workers making half-joking comments. Its something unique that well-dressed men who live in small, rural areas undergo, and I know I have bonded with the other well dressed men over the matter.


I only moved here for work, and will transfer out within the next year. I grew up in Washington DC and St. Louis, and have never once heard someone be mocked for dressing well and being highly educated. It is an unique experience that I never understood until I moved here. Also, my young age (just turned 30 a couple weeks ago) for my position and level of education also doesn't help manners.


I continue to dress well even though I get constant comments from other men questioning my heterosexuality along with being called "dago" (a racial epithet towards Italian people) on a daily basis. I could care less what they think, but it is still annoying.

[Jeremy B.]

OP, seems like its time for you to get the hell out of dodge. I agree with others that it comes from some form of jealousy the same way some people will make fun of you for reading or being educated. A good sartorial sense is just part of being a well rounded man. As far as your boss is concerned, just tell him that you dress well because you plan on taking his job some day.


http://www.blogcdn.com/www.urlesque....terafrican.jpg

[Kittiwake30]

Confidence is not an issue, never has been since I realize women practically demand it. Christ is my caddy. Seas part for me so I can walk to Europe. When they delivered my king bed, they didn't dare forget the accompanying crown. And so forth.

[frost]

@somatic. I'm sorry. Let me rephrase that. Be a man and grow a pair.


I'm really getting tired of people crying about being outcasts amongst their peers for dressing nicely. If you can't stand the heat, STFU and get the hell out of the kitchen.

[jose_jackson]

@somatic


Wut? This thread is full of people who lack self-confidence. OP compared his boss and others to Hitler because they made fun of the way he dressed. You say you couldn't care less what other people think, but you've clearly demonstrated otherwise by complaining in this thread.


My advice? Either harden up or maybe tone down what you are wearing. While I don't know anyone here personally, it sounds like what you are choosing to wear is causing tons of anxiety. Isn't that the very definition of not being able to pull it off?

[alan]

I think what the OP is complaining about is not getting his feelings hurt, but rather about being ticked off. FWIW, I consider it a major difference. If you were driving down the road and minding your own business, wouldn't you get tired of the person in the lane next to you honking at you for no reason? It's irritating.


I had a few jabs in the beginning, but everyone has grown accustomed to it now. It helps that I live in a major metro area, though.

[thmage]

Keep it civil.


But I agree with Jeremy, sounds like you need a new town. I hope things look up until then though.