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Joe and Paul Dappered: The Myths behind the Men, Mysteries Revealed

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    Joe and Paul Dappered: The Myths behind the Men, Mysteries Revealed



    Joe and Paul Dappered: The Myths behind the Men, Mysteries Revealed


    Dear Dapperedites,


    Allow me to welcome you into the depths of an enigma shrouded in mystery and obscured by falsehood and flights of fancy. Two men have established themselves as a perpetual source of interest in the budget style community. The threads are ripe with speculation as to the nature of these two souls, but despite copious research on the part of a few unsavory members (who shall remain unnamed; these miscreants are cognizant of their own misdeeds) the true constitution of our mysterious hosts has yet to be revealed.


    Until now.


    Join myself and the rest of the Dappered Threads moderator team as we address the mythos behind the men. Beware! Your heroes may take a form entirely foreign to your preconceptions (however wild and fanciful they may be). I will address the first three of these misapprehensions in this post, while I leave the rest to moderators of a more candid and generous nature.


    Myth No. 1, "The Head of Joe Dappered"


    It is widely believed that Joe Dappered lacks the most necessary of appendages: the head. Our more cogent and well-reasoned members dismiss this conjecture as fabrication. Attend! The truth is, as is often the case, more incredible than the fiction! It is true that Joe Dappered does not possess a head; rather, Joe Dappered is the possessor of a vast collection of heads that he wears in accordance with his daily attire!


    Myth No. 2, "The Dappered Club"


    Certain rumors have circulated through the threads concerning a clandestine organization within the style community known as "The Dappered Club". Speculation has it that Joe Dappered leads this club, although its purpose is entirely unknown and no evidence of its existence has, as of yet, been produced . Unfortunately, I cannot confirm or deny the veracity of this myth due to extraneous factors.


    Myth No. 3, "Paul Dappered's Pentagon Style Crackdown"


    Paul Dappered is admittedly a man of intrigue within the style community. He has rarely been known to remain in a single location for any great length of time. Consequentially, particular individuals have surmised that Paul Dappered is actually a government agent tasked by the Pentagon to seek out and destroy the worst style aberrations within our country. Regrettably, this is yet another myth that cannot be corroborated or backed with solid fact. However, I put forward this question to the style community: is it merely chance that Paul Dappered has focused his travels on the South and the West, regions almost entirely devoid of style and taste? I (and my colleagues in the moderator team) think not!


    #2


    I've always just assumed that Joe's photographer has consistently terrible aim, kind of like my uncle who always manages to crop someone out of every family picture.

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      #3


      Late last night I had to make an emergency trip to Target (ran out of formula for the baby girl.) Though it was just about to close, and the store was deserted, the last cashier let me run in to grab what I needed. As I passed by the clothing section, I noticed a group of ten or so men dressed in black robes, faces obscured, chanting in an ancient language, gathered around a small altar upon which rested a navy Merona Kensington jacket. (You can spot those things a mile away.) I heard only "Galima gadimsa, shockdidee," and saw what appeared to be the ringleader raise one hand up, shaking, above the jacket, while the other robed men continued to chant. A young-sounding voice shouted out, "Kensington! Cover your heart!" I then had to sprint past to the infant section of the store, and so lost sight of them. Could this have been the "Dappered Club" initiation, bruschetta?

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        #4


        BB, you would do well to put the scene out of your mind. What one witnesses with the eye should, at times, be held in the clutches of one's heart rather than be vouchsafed by the lips! Be on the qui vive lest you further imperil yourself!

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          #5


          There's been a large black helicopter hovering directly over my house for the last hour. I'm scared, bruschetta. Moderate for me!

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            #6


            You've seen too much. It is out of our hands, brother. It will be quick but it may also be painful. Few have seen the Rite of the Un-Dappered, but rumors abound that one is banished to a land of khaki cargo shorts, ironic tees, frayed baseball caps, and reef flip flops. Over sized college hoodies have also been spotted.


            Godspeed.

            "You don't need money to dress better than you do" - Salvatore Romano

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