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    #31
    That sounds like a living nightmare. :-/

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      #32
      Yes. I can't believe I didn't leave sooner. It's the one true regret I have.

      Even in spite of a couple of road bumps, our first 8 or 10 years were good, and even after, we had some great family years. We were a good family--I enjoyed that part of things, being a father, having that kind of domestic life. But my relationship with my wife, yes, was a living hell.

      Basically, I "survived" by compartmentalizing. I put that bad part of my life over in a corner and found enjoyment in other parts. Damned, too, if through it all, every year up to end, I didn't remain faithful. A lot of frustration in that aspect, I assure you.
      Last edited by Duvel; June 5, 2014, 08:55 PM.

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        #33
        I think you should write a life advice column, D.

        (And I do really mean that - it can be incredibly frustrating to watch your spouse get unhealthy, and watch yourself occasionally let go...)

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          #34
          LOL. Well, I don't feel great about being smart after the fact, but I could see some value in passing along my gained wisdom. I'm glad that I finally did get myself out of that, and even better, that I found someone who is a much better match. Perfect, in fact. She is the kind of woman (if I can say that) I should have been with from the start. My first wife and I were not a good match.

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            #35
            I am truly sorry, Duvel, both for dredging up those old memories and for assuming the worst about your character. Thanks for sharing, though; reading your experience encourages me to man up a and deal with my own problems, which pale in comparison.

            And continued apologies to the OP and others for derailing the thread. I'll go check myself into timeout now.

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              #36
              Thanks, Angus. I think folks here might have assumed that I just gave up. I had a 30-year marriage through which I gave my wife all kinds of support to deal with her weight issues. In the end, I just couldn't do it anymore. In a way, that might be a failing on my part. At the same, my life is better now.

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                #37
                Originally posted by lifeinabox View Post
                Wow, this thread got serious. Anyhow, back to the OP's point, I've resorted to working out at night usually around 9pm. It completely blows as I'm dead tired from a full days work + dealing with the kids when I get home, but I just power through and not push myself too hard on the days I have zero energy. It also forces me to eat less when I get home for dinner so that I'm not blowing chunks on the treadmill, and since I have set days I have to be selective about drinking at home, the occasional happy hour, etc. I do about 20 min of cardio + and 30 of lifting 2-3 times a day and feeling decently trim and fit. I've kept this schedule for a year and a half. Working on our third so we'll see if and how I'm able to maintain it.
                that's good work. Since having kids, I've tried to continue to be active by playing in sports leagues (typically 1 night a week) and going to the gym. I also started running this spring. I found that aside from the leagues, since they are on a set schedule, most of my workout time is like after 8pm as well. I agree that it forces me to eat small dinners so that I'm not thowing up. If I eat a full dinner, it's a guarantee that I'm not working out. I don't really have a good routine, but IVe been running a few miles 2-3 days a week, (and was playing in a dodgeball league that just recently ended). I typically do ultimate frisbee in the summer, which is a ton of running, but since we recently had a new baby, I'm taking this summer off.

                I have never enjoyed running, so to motivate myself to stick with it, I signed up for a road race series in my town that spans most of the year. There are 8 5k's that I am doing. I paid money to do it, so it forces me to keep it up. I will say that I've actually started enjoying the runs now that I've been doing it for a month and a half(ish) now.

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                  #38
                  Originally posted by drocpsu View Post
                  that's good work. Since having kids, I've tried to continue to be active by playing in sports leagues (typically 1 night a week) and going to the gym. I also started running this spring. I found that aside from the leagues, since they are on a set schedule, most of my workout time is like after 8pm as well. I agree that it forces me to eat small dinners so that I'm not thowing up. If I eat a full dinner, it's a guarantee that I'm not working out. I don't really have a good routine, but IVe been running a few miles 2-3 days a week, (and was playing in a dodgeball league that just recently ended). I typically do ultimate frisbee in the summer, which is a ton of running, but since we recently had a new baby, I'm taking this summer off.

                  I have never enjoyed running, so to motivate myself to stick with it, I signed up for a road race series in my town that spans most of the year. There are 8 5k's that I am doing. I paid money to do it, so it forces me to keep it up. I will say that I've actually started enjoying the runs now that I've been doing it for a month and a half(ish) now.
                  I always hated running but I've gotten to the point where I look forward to it. Gets you out of the house and there is definitely something zen to it once you get into a routine.

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                    #39
                    fun fact: almost 2 years ago, a crazy kid stabbed a woman that was jogging at night in my neighborhood. That's why I don't listen to music when I run at night.

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                      #40
                      Hit the gym today with the wife after a long time - the last time I'd worked out was in early January.

                      My lifts have gone down to a third of what I was at, and I could barely do half of all the workouts. But it was good to be back there, and it was good to get going.

                      Also started tracking my calories last week, and on average, I am about 300 over/day. So, diet + lifting twice a week + climbing once a week should hopefully help me get back in shape.

                      Now, to make it happen...

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                        #41
                        I hear ya, M. If I go more than a week without working out, I have a tough time when I go back to it. I believe in recovery weeks. I take one about every 4 weeks. But that first day back is tough.

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                          #42
                          I just got a fitbit from my employer as part of an employee wellness initiative that they are doing right now. There is a big competition for teams that can do the most steps in a day. I've only had it for a few days so far, but it definitely has given me more motivation to be up and moving around a lot more.

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                            #43
                            Originally posted by Duvel View Post
                            I hear ya, M. If I go more than a week without working out, I have a tough time when I go back to it. I believe in recovery weeks. I take one about every 4 weeks. But that first day back is tough.
                            Yeah. Went back again yesterday, and did some running. It was only for half hour, but damn it felt good.

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                              #44
                              Got back on the bike today. Not sure how much I get out of this, though, as the office is only about 9 blocks from home. I might get more exercise walking, but I sure make it to work fast.

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                                #45
                                And sweaty?

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